wakka wakka wakka wakka wakka

Date: 5th – 12th of February

bought: Far East Plaza

brand: ???

size: Large

price: 20 Singapore Dollars

colour: Green Mitsubishis, Green Bolts, Green Clovers

why: because these video games affect us more than we know

Tee 6/6 the final of the Qantas collection.

“If Pac Man had affected us as kids we'd all be running around in darkened rooms, munching pills and listening to repetitive electronic music.”

There is apparently some debate over the etymology of this quote. It’s been claimed by an English comedian and also by variations of Nintendo employees. Either way it is unimportant. What is important is the existence of Pac Man as a pop culture icon. This is not the only Pac Man themed tee in my collection and that means, if I am as culturally relevant as I believe myself to be, this game has affected us all, and by us I mean those from a certain time and a certain place. We all remember the wonder these video games held, a hope for the future. The hope of hoverboards and Nike’s with self-tightening laces. So what happened? It’s 2012. Where is my hoverboard? Where are my sneakers?

Where are my reckless uncontrollable consumerist values…

Ice Cream Is Gonna Save The Day

Date: 29^th of January – the 5^th of February

bought: Far East Plaza
brand: ???
size: Medium
price: 20 Singapore Dollars
colour: ice cream pie in the sky blue
why: cuz ice cream… is gonna save the day

Tee 5 of Qantas Collection sees us brought to a Miazake like world where monsters and small children enjoy ice creams together. This year we are gifted with an extra day. A day to do all those things you keep putting off. In my case it’s writing the one tee a week entry for the first week of February. This extra day means that I am less than a month behind schedule for putting up my collection of tees, but only until tomorrow when that all exciting month of March rears its head.

I really don’t have much else to say this week so I guess I’ll have to let this tee speak for itself.

Peace.

HADOUKEN!!!!!

Date: 22nd – 29th of January
bought: Far East Plaza
brand: Street Fighter II
size: Medium
price: 18 Singapore Dollars
colour: STONE cold steve austin
why: cause Zangief has a low cut vest and a sailor tat

“Airlines have this policy about vibrating luggage. Throwers don't worry about ticking, cause modern bombs don't tick. But when a suitcase vibrates, then the thrower's gotta call the police. 9 times out of 10, it's an electric razor, but every once in a while... It's a dildo. Of course, it's company policy never to imply ownership in the event of a dildo. We have to use the indefinite article

A dildo.

Never

YOUR dildo.”

I don’t know about that airline policy, but I do know this. Airlines will shell out cash when they lose your luggage. So when you buy a whole bunch of tees from the Far East Plaza, you can think of it as corporate sponsorship.

Here we have tee 4 of the Qantas collection. It was the least they could do for stranding me in Singapore without my Pink Floyd - Wish You Were Here vinyl, picked fresh from a Parisian flea market. So even though oneteeaweek had nothing to do with helping me pay for my addictions I still consider it one step closer to being paid to have style and what could be more stylish than an Asian guy in a Street Fighter tee. Maybe only if it were a Street Fighter II Turbo tee.

I predict a riot

Date: 15th – 22^nd of January
bought: Far East Plaza
brand: ???
size: Medium
price: 20 Singapore Dollars
colour: Khaki
why: Conceptual Brilliance…

Singapore… 30 degree heat and %100 humidity day in day out. Having spent the last month walking the streets of London and Paris it’s time to do some real shopping. For cheap tees and prints you’re not likely to see anywhere else I’ll take Orchard road over the Champs Elysees any day of the week. There’s something for everyone. Singapore has this odd relationship between east and west, not just east and west but between those with money and the rest of us. This city has the most amazing eclectic mix of life. The heat and the aroma of Asia with a decidedly European feel. In most of the cities I’ve been to you’ll find the high end shops all grouped together, in ultraclean marble clad malls where people with expensive tastes have shop doors opened for them and concierges to carry their bags. On Orchard road the mall with all the Louis Vuitton, Cartier, A.Testoni and IWC shops is across the street from the mall filled with local designers and tiny stalls selling whatever they can. Further down the road there is a stripclub right next door to the Steinway piano shop.

In this island country with its history of old colonial cleanliness and anti-chewing gum laws we see that the world… our world… is too small to separate the masses from the elite.

And why would you even want to try.

Einstein Motherf**ker

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zki15oLJx9k&feature=related

Date: 8-15 of January
bought: Far East Plaza
brand: ???
size: Medium
price: 20 Singapore Dollars
colour: Black Hole
why: Semi Naked Ladies, Albert Einstein... you do the math

Second installment of the 'Qantas Collection'.

Day 2 at Heathrow airport, trying to hop a flight to Asia. Hong Kong, Singapore anywhere that would have me on my way back home. So I step up to the check in counter, the flights are full but if I’m lucky someone won’t turn up and I’ll get a seat. If I’m not lucky the trainee at the desk will check me in take my bags and lose my luggage.

Day 3 Heathrow airport. This time I get a seat, and with no luggage to check in I fly out to Singapore hoping my suitcase, laden with all my european treasures and some very important tees, will be waiting for me. Wishful thinking. So I arrive with only the clothes on my back. But there are worse fates in this world than being in Singapore with a need to shop.

Tune in next week for another installment of the 'Qantas Collection'

Whale of a Tale

So it’s been a while since I’ve done this. Has it been a month? Or has it been 12? Two years ago we got close. Close to the completion of 52 tees in a year, we fell an agonizing 8 tees short. To be honest I probably bought more than I needed. The tees were infallible it is only I who failed you. It’s not like I’ve stopped buying tees either it’s just that you’ve stopped hearing about it. Like the universe my collection must expand, maybe just a few more tees and it will be complete. Or maybe I will be complete. As if a man could be complete, and if he could, as if it could be achieved by such a consumerist practice.

Our one chance is that of a fresh start. And I mean PHRESH. A new year brings new challenges and also a new format for oneteeaweek. Over the course of my blogging adventures my older tees have grown jealous. Jealous of the internet fame that has been granted to all my shiny new ones. so… from here on in YOU the reader may at times find yourself traveling in time. Into the past. My past. Looking for hints and clues for the reason I am obsessed with these sweet, sweet tees. but do not despair. For there will be more tees, both new and old.

Whatever… let’s do it
just for the hell of itjust for the love of it

Date: 1-8 of January
bought: Far East Plaza
brand: ???
size: medium
price: 20 Singapore Dollars
colour: blue whale/grey whale
why: because the government doesn’t care if you bring a whaler into Australian waters (come on Julia get your shit together)

Over the next few posts I will reveal the ‘Qantas - Singapore Collection’ an array of tees purchased on my recent visit to the land of the lion. First on the list is this whale of a tee. It has a slight ‘le chat noir’ poster feel to it. I’m pretty sure this tee is a rip off of a design by those all powerful online tee mongers threadless.

Next week? Find out why it’s called the Qantas collection

Peace.

THIS IS FASHION...

date 21/10 - 28/10 bought: savers
brand: fashion
size: small
price: $3.99
colour: "vight"
why: because the mankeenie is so 2006
spotted: sipping sangria in saint kilda pre-parklife 2010

i'm still not sure exactly who is it that makes these amazing tees but maybe bruno knows. because he knows fashion, he knows cool. or maybe its not really about bruno maybe its all just me. after all i am the one with an exponentially growing collection of tees. i like to think that as my wardrobe grows so too does my cool.

a little arrogance is a good thing. just remember its not arrogance if you can back it up... and by the end of the year fifty two of the best, random, kickass tee shirts have got my back.

my front

my shoulders

and the upper half of my biceps

bermuda, bahama come on baby mama...

date 14/10 - 21/10
bought: savers
brand: princess cruises
size: small
price: $3.99
colour: ocean blue
why: because i am about to set sail on what will be an amazing week

i am not journeying upon a cruise ship, not one of those massive ocean going beasts filled with everything you'd find in a major city including the crime. no, i will be sailing around some tropical islands,relaxing in the sun and just generally taking my time. with the lonely island's "i'm on a boat" on repeat, and a pair of Terrence™ towel shorts and possibly a captains hat...

not to self: buy captains hat and other nautically themed apparel

jack lives here...

date 7/10 - 14/10
bought: savers
brand: jack daniels
size: small
price: $6.99
colour: mellow yellow
why: my wardrobe was missing a certain bogan element

what i was originally looking for was a a white tee with the classic square jack daniels design. but this is what i found. but, you know... when in rome

i'm not sure exactly what it is that drives people to wear liquor branded merchandise, or why it is so popular with those of a certain socio-economic status. it's probably because i'm too white, too middle class, or maybe just too allergic to that sweet sweet alcohol to understand. wherever it is that jack lives he has become a little cooler in my book. but only because he made a sweet tee

nom nom nom....

date 1/10 - 7/10
bought: savers
brand: philosophy
size: small
price: $3.99
colour: named after the common teal, a member of the duck family whose eyes are surrounded by the colour
why: the colour really brings out my eyes... and it has a kitteh in a lab coat and safety goggles eating a cookie

for all the fans out there the writing under the picture reads "Cogito Ergo NOM". so if a cat was indeed a scientist of some sort what kind of science would he study? Cathematics. what an awful joke. i feel as though i need to make up for it somehow

i know... i'll watch the sequel to jaws on late night channel 7, if only there weren't so many ads for packed to the rafters.

anyone remember that show mork and mindy with robin williams? anyone remember the alien swearword mork used? well it's shuzbutt which FYI is also the name of my cat pictured here. we can thank my brother for that sweet name. he is possibly the biggest jerk i know(my cat that is). one morning i wake up to find him sitting on my bedside table. he was upset because he'd been trying to wake me for an hour. so there he was just staring at me, sitting next to a stack of origami paper knocking off the sheets one at a time... jerk. it took me like 17 cookies just to get him into my photo but it was worth it. if only to feel like david attenborough for 12 seconds

welcome to the black market...

date 24/9 - 1/10
bought: savers
brand: atari
size: small
price: $5.99
colour: my attire for a black tie event
why: because video games are cool

i am indeed classically trained in the art of video gaming. i was more of a commodore 64 man myself though. the atari 2600 was already 10 years old by the time i was born. times had changed the videogame industry had moved on to bigger and better things. i remember getting a playstation for christmas. i bugged my dad so often and so many times that he told me i was definitely not getting one but he lied and i did and it was awesome.

i remember hitting up the golden arcade next to Sham Shui Po MTR station in hong kong, the only place to buy counterfeit games, consoles and electronics. 3 or so stories of a city block filled with stores and stalls selling every computer program ever made. they had this mad system of avoiding the law... the stalls would have big binders with pictures of all the games. you'd point to the ones you wanted, they'd be written down, you'd bargain and eventually settle on an acceptable price. no counterfeit games were ever kept in the store. a phone call would be made and you'd have to wait for the games to be brought to you in sealed black plastic bags or you'd be sent 2 stories down to the stairwell to pick up your merchandise. i was once even sent out of the arcade and down the street, given instructions to knock on a red door and pass them a note.

everyone knows the products aren't real, but no one ever talks about it. the store operators were always a little nervous, always looking around. but the whole black market industry was set up so well they knew when a raid was coming. all at once the message gets out. the customers are rushed out of stores, people hurriedly pack things away, shutters are pulled down and closed fast. before you know it the whole operation is shut down and there you are standing on the street with a hundred other black market customers. there will be no more shopping today.

but tomorrow it will be open again, business as usual. i wonder if it's still there. its been near a decade since i last broke the law in hong kong.

this is my tee...

date 17/9 - 24/9
bought: giordano
brand: giordano
size: extra small
price: $10
colour: stuff white people like #63 expensive sandwiches why: a timeless classic, a tee no collection should be without

This is my tee. There are many like it, but this one is mine. My tee is my best friend. It is my life. I must master it as I must master my life. My tee, without me, is useless. Without my tee, I am useless. I must fire my tee true. I must shoot straighter than my enemy who is trying to kill me. I must shoot him before he shoots me. I will...

everyone i know should own a white tee, even everyone you know should too. when nothing else in your wardrobe will work, this tee will be there. nothing in this world is parallel to rocking out in denim and a white tee, throw in a pair of wayfarers or a simple jacket and there you have it, perhaps the most essential item of clothing you may ever own. from James dean and the jets of west side story to musicians around the world and even hugh jackman as wolverine. there exists a purity that no other tee can come close to replicating. whether you wear yours when your painting a house or when you're partying it up you will become a better person for it. you will be pure, you will be white, you will be untouchable...

except perhaps by those wildly coloured cocktails that the ladies are so found of

My tee is human, even as I, because it is my life. Thus, I will learn it as a brother. I will learn its weaknesses, its strength, its parts, its accessories, its sights and its barrel. I will ever guard it against the ravages of weather and damage as I will ever guard my legs, my arms, my eyes and my heart against damage. I will keep my tee clean and ready. We will become part of each other. We will...

when caring goes wrong

date 10/9 - 17/9
bought: threadless.com
brand: threadless
size: medium
price: Freeeeeeee.....
colour: the colour of objects that do not emit or reflect light in any part of the visible spectrum
why: another choice gift from deejay nicKy T. from those un-matchable lords of internet tee shirt couture

for us down here in the south of the world the threadless phenomenon is relatively new and more difficult to access. but the guys at threadless have been doing what they do for ten years. connecting artists around the world with the ability to see their designs not just printed but seen and purchased by a massive global audience.

what this means for me is another sweet tee to add to my collection. it may not be a Warhol but this tee is another marker of that postmodern world we live in

and hey it has a care bear smoking a cigarette

what could be cooler...

it's hip to be a square

date 03/9 - 10/9
bought: Ebay
brand: Team Zissou
size: small
price: $16.99
colour: zissou Blue
why: who can resist a man in a in a sky blue tee, on a boat with a red cap and speedo

quite possibly one of the most odd films you will ever see. do yourself a favour and watch "The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou" or any film by Wes Anderson. personally i couldn't get the acoustic covers of David Bowie classics in portuguese out of my head so i had to buy the cd. if, like me, you enjoy that quirky kind of film and music 'they' call indie then get on it. but if you are indeed truly 'indie' then you will have probably seen and heard this, enjoyed it while you were the only person to have seen it and then moved on as soon as the number of followers on twitter hit 10. to the next indie hit that no one has heard of yet

but don't worry if you like this film and will continue to like this film even if it becomes popularized because like all things fashionable it moves in a circle. in a generations time people will have forgotten about it and its number of facebook fans will drop below that double digit number and thus it will become 'cool' again and by association so will you...

for about 12 seconds

but in this crazy world any longer and you've already sold out

gold gold gold

date 27/8 - 03/9
bought: savers
brand: olympic
size: small
price: $2.99
colour: greyish whiteish marble
why: this tee is absolute gold

1996 was one hell of a year. the super chess computer "deep blue" defeates Garry Kasparov for the first time, Alanis Morrisette wins the grammy for album of the year, the nintendo 64 is released, the first cloned animal 'dolly' the sheep is born and Tupac Shakur is gunned down in las vegas and of course the olympics are held in atlanta.

where would we be without the atlanta olympics? Muhammad Ali would be missing a gold medal. there are developments too in the new sports played at these olympics, softball and mountain biking but most important of all... beach volleyball. the inclusion of scantily clad women diving around in the sand adds a certain class to the international sporting world.

but most importantly this tee was created. who knows where it's been hiding since then...

paradise found...

date 20/8 - 27/8
bought: savers
brand: paradise
size: small
price: $2.99
colour: Patrick White
why: it's the colours, those sweet sweet colours
spotted: looking cute and a little sleepy. late night. melbourne.

another gem found lying amongst the rabble of gwen steffani tour shirts and awfully sloganized tees. another tee to add to the list of places i've never been, not because i haven't been to bali but because i don't remember seeing a lush green paradise populated with neon purple birds. no... this tee is from an entirely different world, think of it as less indochina and more 'paradise. less second hand tee shirt and more of a journey into the unconscious

still waiting for an answer to last weeks quote question seems like no one wants the awfully cheap prizes i offered. thats cool, it just means more free slurpees for me and not you and with the weather heating up (slowly) that's always a good thing

who wants to win a prize???

date 13/8 - 20/8
bought: savers
brand: threadless
size: small
price: $3.99
colour: Green like the FNG's
why: i would've bought this tee from threadless if they hadn't sold out

its like "a bridesmaid's dress. someone loved it intensely for one day, then tossed it. like a christmas tree, so special then bam it's abandoned on the side of the road, tinsel still clinging to it".

this is how i feel about all my second hand tees. i like to think of the history they hold within their threads.
if these walls could talk.

girl meets boy, girl buys boy tee, girl breaks boy's heart, boy gives away tee. the story could end here. or i could find this tee, give it a new life, a new purpose and make it an internet star. i also saw this tee on that american guy on the gruen transfer. maybe it's that very same tee, given to him to wear by the ABC fashion advisers then donated, because it can't be used on TV again.

these are all possibilities. but they don't change the fact that this is a good tee, and now it's also 'my' tee

so who can tell me where the "bridesmaid's dress" quote is from, there's a prize, one of those awesome dinosaur shaped donuts from donut king and a coupon for 1 medium slurpee at 7/11

get searching kids for your sweet sugary rewards

P.S. have you been wondering what has been missing from your life? existential crisis over. its seeing me act!
to see my mad acting skillz

click here...

say cheese...

date 6/8 - 13/8
bought: savers
brand: Jarlsberg
size: small
price: $4.99
colour: he's talkin' with davy who's still in the navy, blue
why: jarlsberg, probably my favourite kind of cheese

actually that's a big call. jarslberg is good, it may even be great but there is a lot of cheese out there. the swiss sure know all about neutrality and jarslberg is as neutral as it gets in the cheese world. but seriously people, who made this tee? and for what purpose? was it a special buy 3 wheels of jarlsberg and send away for your free cheese themed tee kind of deal, cuz that would be freekin sweet. with that kind of cheese i'd have enough not to be angry if i came home to find you'd eaten an entire wheel of cheese, i'd just be impressed

i feel the need to increase the number of wine and cheese tastings i attend. where i can proudly don my jarslberg tee and stick it to those non cheese loving tasteless crackpots who probably think cheese comes individually sliced and wrapped in plastic. it doesn't. that shit ain't even cheese. you can get halfway through a slice before you realised the plastic is still on because it tastes the same even if you do unwrap it. so this is for you. you eat that plastic wrap cheese, and you probably eat that kraft cheese spread too and you possibly bought that i snack2.0 thing they sold for a while. but stop, put down that orange piece of rubber in your hand and go buy some real cheese.

it comes in many forms, brie, camembert, roquefort, bleu, pecorino, parmesan just to name a few

and now it comes in tee form

i'm a blade man. man

date 30/7 - 6/8
bought: savers
brand: vision streetwear
size: small
price: $2.99
colour: mr. black
why: this tee is tough. enough said

this weeks tee is from the wrong side of the tracks. it hangs out at the local skatepark doing things like underage drinking and vandalism. it is so tough it lost its sleeves in a knife fight. it was once called chicken and so, jumped off a 12 story building into a kiddie pool filled with concrete. if Chuck Norris was a tee this would be it.

with summer just around the corner sleeves have been made optional on this weeks tee. i doubt it would have the same 'tough' character if it did though. classic logo. classic white on black. this tee is like a kick in the face with a pair of studded motor cycle boots. if you wear a tee like this there is no need for leather jackets. this tee is all the protection you will need.

this tee is
bullet proof
stab proof
poser proof

yeh, i'm famous. how are you?

date 23/7 - 30/7
bought: savers
brand: universal studios
size: small
price: $3.99
colour: blues brothers
why: because one day i'll make it big in hollywood, then who'll be paying the bills? me. the hollywood kid!

its 106 miles to chicago, we've got a full tank of gas, half a pack of cigarettes, its dark, and we're wearing sunglasses

the bright lights, the fame the fortune, of hollywood. one day i'll to be amongst it, or at least its seedy underbelly. maybe i'd become a B grade actor, maybe B grade films are a little too high to aim, i'd settle for being an actor or even an extra, hell i'd settle just to be in hollywood. i think i should start production of the documentary i've been planning. it's pretty much just a film crew following me around and filming everything i do. it's mostly to capture the things that happen when there's no one around to see it. say you're walking down the street and try to get out of someone's way and you both step the same direction, or you drop an orange an make a miraculous catch by kicking it into the air and doing some sort of 360 degree backflip, you know just the usual everyday stuff.

for now at least i am stuck with being cool only when no one is looking. i'm forever telling poeple just how cool i really am. check out chicks, bartenders, baristas, but they just look at me, and ask for my money

but that will all change
when i make it in hollywood